Making that School Choice- Helpful Tips for Divorced Parents

 This is the time of year when many parents are filled with angst as they have to make the final decisions about where their child will attend school in the fall. It is not surprising that for some parents, there is as much stress when choosing a kindergarten as there is for selecting a college or university for your adolescent. The majority of parents make school choices with the best intentions, however, there are several factors that can negatively impact the decision-making process.

Most parents are unaware, but we all bring our own personal experiences and values to making school choices for our children. When parents are separated or divorced, partnering in this important decision is often difficult with personal anger and hurt clouding your child’s priorities. Children and adolescents are well aware of the tensions between their parents and when their school choices are in the balance, they are particularly susceptible. Despite the context of a Parenting Plan, almost all children want both parents involved and supporting them throughout their educational careers, including post-secondary school.

The following considerations will make school choice a respectful and proactive process for everyone.

·        If your child is school-age, it’s best to start the process by reviewing school report cards and IEP’s, psychological, therapeutic and/or medical reports together, if at all possible. It is important that both parents are aware and understand the child’s current academic and social-emotional status. If parents are unable to share this information together, I suggest arranging a meeting with your child’s teacher or principal. They will review the data with each parent which ensures common understanding, guided by a professional who knows your child.

·        It is important to include adolescents in this review process and encourage their input as to how they feel about their own learning skills, academic strengths and weaknesses and social engagement at school. It is strongly suggested to try to listen to your teen, without judging. This will give them a safe and supportive opportunity to inform both parents of their thoughts and opinions.

·        If your child has any special learning, social-emotional or developmental needs, it is important to consult with therapists and special educators as their input can impact school programs, choices and levels of support.

·        Both parents need to be clear about all school costs, including those “hidden” costs, such as uniform, building funds, learning materials as well as learning support before offering options to your child. NEVER put your child in a position of being worried about the cost of school. In fact, financial issues should stay between both parents.

·        Only take your child to visit schools that both parents agree upon.

·        Every school has something wonderful and unique to offer, including public education, and keeping an open mind will best inform the school decision.

·        If parents are unable to move beyond their personal conflicts to make the best choice for the child, it is recommended that they engage an Educational Consultant to provide impartial, experienced guidance.

·        Always put your child’s needs first when making any school choice.

Remember that there are a variety of school options available to most children. Reassure your child that as a family, you will work together to ensure a happy, smooth and successful transition to a new school. By working together and understanding your child’s needs and strengths, you will provide them with the necessary life skills of resiliency, independent decision-making, healthy risk-taking and self-confidence. Moreover, your child will so happy that together, you are making them the priority!